Weblog Sin Pies

You all get these, but you usually don’t read them, so I thought I would share a choice piece from this e-mail that JOHNCREEK sent to me:

Dear Blessed One,

As you read through my message, I do not want you to feel pity or sorry for me, for I believe someday, somehow, we will all surely die, this is about mine, and a last wish.

At this point I think he secretly does want me to feel pity for him, but I probably won’t. In fact, of all the things he’s about to request of me, this is the only one I’ll oblige.

No one would call me “Blessed One” if he had done “thorough research” about me, as he states further down in the letter. He also accuses me of philanthropy, which is another red flag.

Do people actually fall for this? They must, but I can’t believe it. I picture some automated send program in a shack somewhere, constantly crawling the internet and sending these pre-made e-mails every time it finds a live address. In a chair behind the computer is the skeleton of the man whose brilliant scheme backfired. He died of starvation when no one sent their bank account numbers. But that computer will continue searching and sending, forever.

Then I realize that there’s probably 12 old ladies that I passed on the freeway just today who will gladly send $100 dollars in hopes of having access to $1,000,000 when JOHNCREEK dies of cancer, AIDS, pneumonia, bird flu and/or meningitis. “I’m doing the right thing and it’s a good investment,” they’ll think.

It’s the gullible old ladies who are the problem–if they didn’t fall for the scams I wouldn’t have to deal with the spam. That’s the chant, the rallying cry. It even rhymes. Philanthropy my ass, am I right?

Whether you order an iced americano or an iced coffee at The Coffee Bean you will get the same thing–an iced americano. They can’t do this. It is not the same thing. At The Coffee Bean there is a difference between a hot americano and a hot coffee, why do they become the same thing when they are cold?

What if your doctor decided to simplify everything by performing only heart surgeries? He would still call all of the procedures by their regular names, but he would only do heart surgery. Sore throat? Heart surgery. Allergic reaction? Heart Surgery. Having a baby? Heart Surgery. Is this the type of world we want to live in?

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Guardian UK: Bush Picks Alito for Supreme Court

“Judge Alito …. has more prior judicial experience than any Supreme Court nominee in more than 70 years,” Bush said, drawing an unspoken contrast to his first choice, Harriet Miers.

Bush nominated Miers knowing full well that the Senate would not confirm her. Now his ass is covered when people say he should have nominated a woman.

“I tried,” he’ll smirk, his back sore from all the patting it’s been through during this debacle.

With the Senate at 55-45, Alito will probably get through. Maybe after he is confirmed he’ll tear off his ugly-man mask and the nation will discover that he is actually a forward-thinking young woman. Then the new Supreme Court will set precedents like the national food is gummi bears. And one million dollars for everyone! Oh, and inflation is unconstitutional. It ain’t
unpossible, ya’ll.

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I better start working. Or something. It’s going to be 80 degrees in LA today. Happy Halloween!

Tragicomedy, referred to me by Cardhouse, where that site’s author gives a good play-by-play to a confused reader.

ABC News: McDonald’s to Offer Nutrition Labels

Cigarettes sold by hugely successful companies have labels telling you that they cause cancer; freeways have speed limits, which many of you may not know since they’re tough to read at 95 miles per hour; LA restaurants labeled “C” grade by the department of health are doing brisk business around town. Hooray for labels!

It’s the latest step in an effort to lure health-conscious consumers back into the company’s restaurants.

“Buyer beware (wink wink).” Yeah, that should bring in the health-conscious people–give them something to read while they eat.

“What’s that you say? One Big Mac is supposed to be eight servings? Why, I never knew that! Thank Ronald for these labels! They make it possible to be health-conscious and fat simultaneously!”

The Parents Television Council’s Top Ten Best and Worst Shows for family viewing on prime time broadcast television

In case you don’t know, the PTC “was founded in 1995 to ensure that children are not constantly assaulted by sex, violence and profanity on television and in other media,” according to their mission statement. Long story short, if there’s a movement for censorship of anything on television, you can bet that the PTC has something to do with it. Another way to put it is that the PTC is run by religiously-motivated prudes who are repressed and easily offended and who think that you should be too.

(Continued)