Weblog Sin Pies

We could post a bunch of Winter Olympics updates, but what fun would that be? Oh, I suppose we could make it fun by editorializing and writing smart-ass remarks about the events. We could talk about curling, which is, as far as we know, the only sport where the competitors are janitors in bowling shirts. We could also point out that we know the luge people have no real control of that sled. We don’t have proof, but we know. And how about skier Lindsey Kildow, who reportedly did the splits at high speed after catching an edge warming up for the women’s downhill? Ouch! She was hospitalized last we heard, which is no surprise considering there’s no speed at which doing the splits would work out for us.

We could talk about all those things, but we have more important Winter Olympics-related issues to discuss. Like former ice-skating hopeful Tonya Harding’s official Web site, where she reveals what her ideal life would be like:

“It would be having enough money to go hunting and fishing and go to the big four-wheel-drive mud bogs,” she says. “And every once in a while put on a really pretty dress and go to dinner at a place like Applebee’s or something.”

Ah, mud bogs and Applebees. She sounds dreamy. And I’m not the only one who thinks so. Head over to the fantasy messages section of her site for some hardcore descriptions of what some of her fans would like to do to her over and over. Say what you will about Tonya’s fans, but don’t call them tentative:

As Tonya walked into my massage parlor I felt my boner swell.

You don’t say. Is that all it takes? Here’s a tip about the rest of that story: it’s goddamn gross. So are the thousands of other posts in the fantasy section. You’ve been warned.

Why does this former Olympian host a message board on which perverts post erotic stories about her? I’m really asking. Anyone?

For some G-rated tasteless media watch the inroduction video on the main page or head over to Tonya’s photo gallery and feast your eyes on some of her career highlights.

Here’s one for the album:

See, Nancy started it by trying to pull Tonya’s hair while they warmed up:

The site is bulging with cringe-worthy material. There’s even plenty of photos of Tonya and those scummy guys she enlisted to club Kerrigan during the 1994 Olympics. Allegedly enlisted, I mean. Allegedly.