Weblog Sin Pies

By Trevor Ryan

Ok, so over a week has gone by since Dick Cheney shot that Judge friend of his. Wow! It’s even been more than a week since he told the public about it, too! Time really flies when you have birdshot next to your heart like I do. Well, as I imagine I do, because I think, deep down, that a part of all of us died last weekend. Did I say “died?” No, I mean got shot in the face and chest with birdshot and had it migrate (does anyone else think it’s funny that birdshot migrates, too?!) to that cozy place next to our hearts. But the thing is, I for one would like to see this sort of thing happen more often, since all parties handled it so well.

Judge what’s-his-face was a good sport about it, even apologizing to Cheney! What a sport! I love it. But now I’m crashing off that high that is the hilarious news of our second-in-command almost killing a Texas judge, and I want more. I just wish Cheney would shoot someone else. I don’t want it to be fatal or anything morbid like that. I just want some consistent amusement from my Vice President.

It will be sort of like when Quayle (not even gonna make a bird joke here) was in office, and we could always rely on something stupid coming out of his mouth. Well, Mr. Vice President, let me bounce this off ya: “An Afternoon With Cheney.” It’s an hour-long interview show where YOU, Dick Cheney, interview another member of the domestic or foreign power elite, discussing the inner workings of government and business, and how your guest fits into it all, and the tag ending is that you shoot them in the face with birdshot! Don’t answer now. Just sleep on it, chew on it, shoot it with your 12-guage. Do what you need to do. But give me a call. We’ll sit down, have lunch, and you can shoot me in the face. OH! Be thinking of catch phrases, like “It was a blast talking with you this hour. I’m your host, Dick Cheney” That’s still rough of course, but I want YOU to come up with whatever YOU feel is the most “Cheney.” Ok, great. Cool.

Ciao,
Trevor