tunnels of fun
By Trevor Ryan
When I learned that members of Al Qaeda escaped from a prison in Yemen by tunneling out, I was immediately reminded of the massive tunnel recently discovered between the United State and Mexico. Then I was reminded of “The Shawshank Redemption.” Then I was distracted by hunger. Then I ate.
Perhaps the funniest part of the above-linked article from CNN.com is that they think the prisoners couldn’t have come up with the idea themselves.
The newly released report said the prisoners might have gotten the idea for the tunnel from a similar escape tunnel discovered last year at Camp Bucca, Iraq, where Iraqi detainees are being held by the U.S. military.
Yeah, ok people. Either that or from Bugs Bunny. But anyway …
After further contemplation, I began to get jealous. These days it seems that everyone has tunnels except for decent, warm-blooded citizens of the U.S. of A. This would include me, and while I don’t really want to dig a tunnel myself, I would sure like to reap the benefits of one. I don’t mean tunnels like the Lincoln Tunnel, or the Holland Tunnel, or subway tunnels, or any of those other public tunnels. What I’m after is of the clandestine sort, the likes of which only the bad guys seem to have.
The reason I want a tunnel of course has nothing to do with a desire to commit acts of terror, nor to smuggle people or anything else for that matter (maybe some knockoff designer jeans, but that’s it, I swear.) I just want a tunnel because it would make me feel secretive, exclusive, and girls would think, “This guy plays by his own rules.” I could use the tunnel to store cold drinks, or root crops, or to hide in whenever the world gets big and scary. This would also likely impress the ladies.
The point of this, since you’re probably wondering, is that I feel that the situation is unfair. How come I can buy a semiautomatic shotgun at K Mart, but I can’t have a secret underground tunnel? Why is this not in the Constitution? Why is the 3rd Amendment not “the right to barren tunnels.” Something like that. Or maybe it could rhyme, so it’s easy to remember. I’ll tell you why: because life is unfair. Why, I’ll be lucky if I get carpal tunnel.
plkdfpaksdfapslkdfasldkfa;sldkffaglkmasflgkmpscvjrg … still nothing.
I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry again.
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