Pirates are at 27%? What!? Why isn’t that number more like 3% to account for the cross section of mentally handicapped who have internet access. Dorks, please. I love pirates as much as the next guy. I like them more than I like ninjas. I think they are more charming and interesting than ninjas. But there are certain irrefutable truths to be faced: I’m never going to have hair again, and pirates are never going to win against ninjas in a fight. Period. Ninjas are highly disciplined, highly trained individuals whose whole life revolves around the art of warfare. Whereas pirates, as my friend Charley so aptly put it, are just drunken sailors without a conscience. And again, I love drunken sailors. Take away the conscience? Even better! But lets not forget ourselves here. Yeah, I’m ashamed to admit it but I read the stupid Wikipedia article to see the arguments in favor of pirates. Pirates have guns? Well whoopdee shit. Cops have guns. My dad has a gun. Do you think my dad is going to beat a ninja? Unless one of the ancient forms of martial arts involves how many Manhattans one can consume in an evening, I’m pretty sure my dad is fucked, gun or not. Why? Because idiots, a gun doesn’t do you much good when you’ve already had your neck silently broken by an unseen foe creeping in the shadows. Besides, do you think that after all those years of intensive training and learning to adapt to different situations that ninjas haven’t figured out how to pick up a fucking gun and shoot a pirate in the face? And what’s this crap about pirate fans attacking ninja’s masculinity by comparing them to Goths because they both where black. Yeah, we call that grasping at straws people. Is that the best you got? That’s just embarrassing. Almost as embarrassing as the fact that I let myself get sucked into this debate with the rest of you nerds in the first place. If you actually think that pirate vs. ninja is even an argument, then allow me to recommend some other matches that you may enjoy:
Meter Maid vs. Roman Soldier
The Mystery Machine vs. Imperial Star Destroyer
A Pin vs. A Balloon
Colonel Sanders vs. Cedars Sinai Vascular Department
Jack Russell Terrier vs. Peterbilt
Pinto Rear Bumper vs. Brinks Truck
Shane MacGowan vs. An Open Bar at a Wedding
Stephen Hawking vs. the U.S. Olympic Wrestling team (in wrestling)
I don’t get the masculinity attack either. Man or not, it’s certainly not a good idea to make fun of a woman with a sword just because you’re wearing a pirate costume and she’s wearing black pajamas.
Then again, I think you may be refining the categories too strictly. After all, even Charley did remarkably well against both t-rex and God when the rounds favored his “talents”. Even if you want to be fight-specific, there are a lot of stereotypical fight scenarios where a pirate would know a ninja is coming for him - no matter how deep his drunken stupor: like a boxing ring (heh, sword/gun/audience) or the Colosseum. Thus 27% for pirates.
Still, who would take odds 63% against them in a fight to the death?
Here’s to Dave to put exactly what I was thinking into words.
Pirates are cool. They are drunks, they have less limbs than us, and they don’t give a fuck. If a ninja lost a limb, he would be slaughtered by his counterparts for being the weak link.
The debate is worthless.
And a ninja vs. a pirate in a boxing ring? Seriously, Mike, I think you’ve got to think these through.
If you’d like the closest modern day equivelent to a pirate, go look at the drunk, fat bum with a cast on his leg in front of the local 7-11. Now imagine that guy fighting a trained assassin. I think we’ve pretty much figured this one out.
Dave wrote:
Motherfucker, Please!
Posted on 23-Mar-07 at 9:31 am | Permalink
Mike Bijon wrote:
Wikipedia has the whole story - even if a lot of it may only be story with few facts.
Posted on 23-Mar-07 at 11:47 am | Permalink
Robert wrote:
Anyone know where I can get some free pea soup recipes?!?
Posted on 06-Apr-07 at 7:50 am | Permalink
Dave wrote:
Pirates are at 27%? What!? Why isn’t that number more like 3% to account for the cross section of mentally handicapped who have internet access. Dorks, please. I love pirates as much as the next guy. I like them more than I like ninjas. I think they are more charming and interesting than ninjas. But there are certain irrefutable truths to be faced: I’m never going to have hair again, and pirates are never going to win against ninjas in a fight. Period. Ninjas are highly disciplined, highly trained individuals whose whole life revolves around the art of warfare. Whereas pirates, as my friend Charley so aptly put it, are just drunken sailors without a conscience. And again, I love drunken sailors. Take away the conscience? Even better! But lets not forget ourselves here. Yeah, I’m ashamed to admit it but I read the stupid Wikipedia article to see the arguments in favor of pirates. Pirates have guns? Well whoopdee shit. Cops have guns. My dad has a gun. Do you think my dad is going to beat a ninja? Unless one of the ancient forms of martial arts involves how many Manhattans one can consume in an evening, I’m pretty sure my dad is fucked, gun or not. Why? Because idiots, a gun doesn’t do you much good when you’ve already had your neck silently broken by an unseen foe creeping in the shadows. Besides, do you think that after all those years of intensive training and learning to adapt to different situations that ninjas haven’t figured out how to pick up a fucking gun and shoot a pirate in the face? And what’s this crap about pirate fans attacking ninja’s masculinity by comparing them to Goths because they both where black. Yeah, we call that grasping at straws people. Is that the best you got? That’s just embarrassing. Almost as embarrassing as the fact that I let myself get sucked into this debate with the rest of you nerds in the first place. If you actually think that pirate vs. ninja is even an argument, then allow me to recommend some other matches that you may enjoy:
Meter Maid vs. Roman Soldier
The Mystery Machine vs. Imperial Star Destroyer
A Pin vs. A Balloon
Colonel Sanders vs. Cedars Sinai Vascular Department
Jack Russell Terrier vs. Peterbilt
Pinto Rear Bumper vs. Brinks Truck
Shane MacGowan vs. An Open Bar at a Wedding
Stephen Hawking vs. the U.S. Olympic Wrestling team (in wrestling)
Posted on 09-Apr-07 at 2:53 pm | Permalink
Mike wrote:
I don’t get the masculinity attack either. Man or not, it’s certainly not a good idea to make fun of a woman with a sword just because you’re wearing a pirate costume and she’s wearing black pajamas.
Then again, I think you may be refining the categories too strictly. After all, even Charley did remarkably well against both t-rex and God when the rounds favored his “talents”. Even if you want to be fight-specific, there are a lot of stereotypical fight scenarios where a pirate would know a ninja is coming for him - no matter how deep his drunken stupor: like a boxing ring (heh, sword/gun/audience) or the Colosseum. Thus 27% for pirates.
Still, who would take odds 63% against them in a fight to the death?
Posted on 10-Apr-07 at 5:14 pm | Permalink
Robert wrote:
Here’s to Dave to put exactly what I was thinking into words.
Pirates are cool. They are drunks, they have less limbs than us, and they don’t give a fuck. If a ninja lost a limb, he would be slaughtered by his counterparts for being the weak link.
The debate is worthless.
And a ninja vs. a pirate in a boxing ring? Seriously, Mike, I think you’ve got to think these through.
If you’d like the closest modern day equivelent to a pirate, go look at the drunk, fat bum with a cast on his leg in front of the local 7-11. Now imagine that guy fighting a trained assassin. I think we’ve pretty much figured this one out.
Posted on 11-Apr-07 at 7:58 pm | Permalink
Robert wrote:
By the way, this is my favorite:
Shane MacGowan vs. An Open Bar at a Wedding
Posted on 11-Apr-07 at 8:00 pm | Permalink