Weblog Sin Pies

By Charley Daniels

Thought I’d start the long, long month off right with a good old-fashioned keyword roundup. It’s sort of like the stretching you do before the sprint. Or the marathon. Or the bail hearing. Or whatever.

I looked at keyword referrals from Jan. 1, 2007, to right this very second, and I sort of just randomly scanned and stopped when something funny jumped out at me. These are real referrals, though. This installment: questions. Seems a lot of people get on the Internet and instead of approaching their information-finding in a cold, robotic manner, they try to have a conversation with Google. How sweet. Maybe I should start an advice column where I just answer search-engine-referral queries.

> are squat thrusts good?

No! Well, maybe. They certainly don’t look good.

> are ninjas disciplined?

The answer is yes, very. Or else everyone would be a ninja, especially me.

> how does susan lucci’s arms look so good?

For almost a decade she’s been carrying around that Emmy she finally won.

> how many calories in a wedgie

That’s a stumper, but if I had to estimate, I’d say negative forty?

> is it a sin to go poo?

Depends on where. In general? Probably not, but it wouldn’t surprise me.

> whom did mehmet ali agca try to kill in 1981?

Oooh! I know! I know!

> is it possible for someone to have two penises?

Anything is possible if you put your mind to it. Overachiever.

> what good or bad have charley daniels done?

Mom?

photo: Grim Reaper With A Lawnmower