terminix: nothing will be left if we have our way
I just saw a commercial where Terminix essentially says: “Science claims that if everything on the planet is killed in some sort of catastrophe, cockroaches will be the only survivors. Not if we can help it.” So I guess their goal, like any keeper of the peace, is to put themselves out of business, even if it means wiping out what might someday be the last living thing on Earth. Dedicated, that is.
Got any good cockroach stories?
My best cockroach story is brief, which is only partially why I won’t ever forget it. I was riding the Portland streetcar on my way to school one morning. A gentleman sat down directly in front of me. Something you should know about the first iteration of that trolley: They hired a clown-car designer to draw up the seating arrangements. It was a little … comfy. So we were packed in there together, and this gentleman in a dirty baseball cap (foreshadowing) sat down in the seat in front of me, his head within nuzzling distance. It was clear to me that the man had a tough run of it, by which I mean he was obviously some sort of bum, hobo, or boxcar willy. He smelled, ok? (Note to self: Remember that last sentence if you ever get in an argument about whether commas are important.)
Anyway, we were all cozy in the streetcar when he reached up to adjust his hat, and as he did I caught his reflection in the trolley window. To my surprise he was actually a cockroach dressed up like a man!
No, no, that’s not how it happened. He turned and said, “Excuse me, can you point me to a dark corner?” and I realized he was a cockroach dressed as a man!
Ok, what actually happened was he adjusted his hat, and a cockroach fell out from between his hat and his head, where it had apparently found refuge as it escaped some danger. Good move, cockroach. Reminds me of the time in middle school when my friend and I were hanging out with these girls in the woods and their dads showed up with guns to collect the tents, and we decided the best place to hide from them would be in the tents. That’s another blog post.
So, yeah, that guy had a cockroach hanging out under his hat, which fell out basically in my lap on the Portland streetcar. I was too stunned to shriek like a sissy, thank the god of self-respect, because that would have misrepresented my true feelings about cockroaches, which is: You’re gross, but if you weren’t around, who would eat the garbage?
Hey, maybe that thing was his pet, though if it was it didn’t want to be, judging by how fast it got the hell out of there. I wonder what happened to that cockroach. Maybe he still lives on the trolley?
So, yeah, like I said before: Got any good cockroach stories?
photo: rickoCheck out the Terminix commercial below the fold.
Robert wrote:
I lived with 3 hissing cockroaches that my roommate kept as pets. She put them in this aquarium and she left to denmark for 2 months and told me “don’t forget to feed the cockroaches.” I think she only bought them to freak out the two girly girls we also lived with.
ANYHOO.. I forgot about the cockroaches for 2 months and they were still alive when she got back.
Posted on 10-Jul-08 at 9:37 am | Permalink
jt wrote:
if it had been me instead of you, everyone on that streetcar would be dead. it may seem unassuming but my body is a WMD in certain circumstances.
Posted on 10-Jul-08 at 9:52 am | Permalink
melissa lion wrote:
I don’t have any cockroach stories, but I do have a scary person on the bus story. I was on the Muni in San Francisco and this man got on and he was wearing a business suit but his face looked like it was melting off and over the melted parts, green puss and ooze was dried and crusted. Basically, his whole face was rotting off. I nearly burst into tears, I was so scared. I told a friend the story, and he did NOT believe that I had seen something so gruesome. Well, a few months later, we were on the bus together and the guy got on and my friend nearly cried and we got off and waited for the next bus. I also made my friend swear that he would never accuse me of exaggeration again, and he agreed. So there.
Posted on 10-Jul-08 at 8:17 pm | Permalink
Charley wrote:
Melissa: Aren’t cockroaches filled with green puss? What a coincidence!
Posted on 10-Jul-08 at 8:28 pm | Permalink
Isabelle wrote:
In Hawaii it’s not a matter of having a dirty home, it’s just their perfect habitat. Warm and humid all year round. Their gestation cycle is 12 months. On that 12th month, I was bombarded by so many roaches. There was no escape since my screens had lots of holes. They are smart! They had guards positioned by the holes and they let their friends in. I basically stayed up all night. My friends reported that that night, roaches swarmed all around their house. Their screen door was covered. Disgusting.
I hate roaches.
Posted on 11-Jul-08 at 9:44 am | Permalink
Isabelle wrote:
Ew, melty puss face.
I saw a man with scales on his face at the Grants Pass Boatnik one year. My friend was telling me all about him and I thought she was exaggerating a little. Then I saw him with my own eyes! Now I believe.
Posted on 11-Jul-08 at 9:48 am | Permalink
JT wrote:
i heard they call them 747s on the islands.
Posted on 11-Jul-08 at 3:17 pm | Permalink