thirty days without drinking, breathing
So I’m going to try not to drink any sort of boozy liquid for a month. I started a couple days ago, but I thought I would wait to see how well I did before I actually wrote about it here. I’ve tried this before a couple times and have failed each time. In fact, when I told Isabelle I was going to do it she just said, “Yeah, right.” And in the couple days I’ve been sticking to it, whenever I mention it (which is often, because I whine) she rolls her eyes like I just told her I was training to become a superhero.
I know what you’re thinking: “This post looks really long. And wordy.” And you might also be wondering why I decided to stop drinking for a month. In the immortal words of my mom, who’s been known to rock down a drink or two: When it comes to abstaining from alcohol, sometimes it’s a good idea to see if you actually can. There may be other benefits as well.
But! I’ve already stepped in it big time, because yesterday I agreed to participate in a panel discussion about editors and new media. It’s in two weeks and it takes place at a bar. Though I’m certain I’m able to go to a bar to hang out without having a drink, it’s a whole different thing when I’m there to step on stage and be informative for aspiring editors who will probably be listening to what I say and might even be looking directly at me while I say it. I’ve come a long way from my thespian society days, and over the last 10 years I’ve lost every ounce of my ability to speak in public without feeling like a complete asshole. And I think we can all agree that that was a good change.
So I can stick with the program, try not to cave, and maybe huff some paint in the parking lot before the panel. Or I can make an exception for the one day. Trouble with making an exception is, right now I can drink pretty good, mostly owing to my Oregon vacation. Tolerance is sky high. But after not having had anything to drink for two weeks, I could get myself into trouble by overestimating how much booze I can handle — just before I step on stage as a guest panelist. I can see how this may seem like a win-win situation. For you. But there are plenty of reasons why I don’t want to stagger up there. My fellow panelists almost certainly won’t be cockeyed drunk, especially the one from the venerable public institution NPR, which hands out gravitas to strangers on the street because its people don’t know what to do with all the extra. I suppose I could just, you know, go easy. Which is something I am capable of. But nerves! Maybe I’ll wait to see what the questions are and then decide from there.
I can drink again, officially, on Sept. 11. I thought that was good day to come back because it’s easy to remember and it’s a good excuse to drink. Until then, I’ll miss beer. For more reasons than most people realize.
P.S. Some of you may intermittently notice a hilarious ad for “penis reduction pills” above the header. What can I say, the check cleared.
photo:The Travel Slut
Kiala wrote:
I should try this.
Alcohol is very drying to the skin.
Also, I wish I could be at that panel discussion thingy. I would probably not heckle you.
Posted on 13-Aug-08 at 2:13 pm | Permalink
Charley wrote:
Yeah, no one is invited to the panel discussion. I’m not so much worried about heckling during the thing as I am worried about the lifetime of heckling that would follow. Making new friends is really hard.
Posted on 13-Aug-08 at 2:21 pm | Permalink
Sarah wrote:
Friends are SO going to be at your panel discussion. I’ll drink enough for both of us — it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. Also, we will be taking you out for celebratory cocktails once you make it through this.
Posted on 13-Aug-08 at 9:11 pm | Permalink
charley wrote:
Right. I should have said no one ELSE is invited to the panel discussion. As long as you guys drink plenty before any actual discussion begins, I think we’ll be ok.
Posted on 13-Aug-08 at 9:22 pm | Permalink
Isabelle wrote:
I’m going. Where and when is it?
Posted on 14-Aug-08 at 6:59 am | Permalink
charley wrote:
Who’s “Charley”?
Posted on 14-Aug-08 at 10:00 am | Permalink
Robert wrote:
I made up a joke!
What do you call a group of models discussing their profession, but they are also naked?
A “Wood Panel…. ing”
Like wood paneling, but actually the audience all has boners. So the model “panel” is wood panel… ing.
Posted on 14-Aug-08 at 11:04 am | Permalink
charley wrote:
It works on so many levels: Is it a boner joke or a home improvement joke? I guess it’s up to the listener to decide.
Posted on 14-Aug-08 at 11:07 am | Permalink
Kiala wrote:
Oh I see how it is.
Your REAL friends are invited but not me.
I’m returning the Christmas present I bought for you.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT WAS TO FIND A MALE UNICORN? DO YOU??
Posted on 14-Aug-08 at 4:31 pm | Permalink
Charley wrote:
Kiala! No no no no no no no. Isabelle isn’t even invited and she’s, like, a pretty good friend. Some of my friends know because one of them suggested me to the people and then she told some of the other friends, and…
Look, I’m sorry! I just want my unicorn. So bad.
Hey, what does everyone think of me revising my little endeavor to only drinking on the weekends, but for two whole months?
Posted on 14-Aug-08 at 4:38 pm | Permalink
JT wrote:
come on, i’m blogging for A WHOLE YEAR STRAIGHT! you can go one piddly month.
Posted on 14-Aug-08 at 5:52 pm | Permalink
Charley wrote:
That’s not close to the same level of difficulty. Those aren’t even measured on the same scale.
“Come on, if I can color within the lines you can force democracy in the Middle East.”
“Come on, if I can pick out a matching outfit every day you can wrestle a bull for 10 minutes.”
“Come on, if I can count backwards from 100 you can reverse the rotation of the Earth causing time to flow backwards.”
Posted on 14-Aug-08 at 6:16 pm | Permalink
dave wrote:
Kiala: Actually you just have to call “Rick’s Unicorn Supply” in Akron. They have same day shipping.
Charlie: The last time I had the fool-ass idea of stopping the drink for a month, I would go to the bar and order a cranberry juice with soda water. This is a trick I learned from a guy whose doctor told him he couldn’t drink anymore. Getting a new doctor would seem like the logical strategy, but anyhow the cran-sodas worked for him so I tried it out. It’s not bad for a pseudo drink, and they usually give you a pint glass which keeps you busy while your friends get shit faced. I was originally going for a month and I ended up doing two months. The best thing about a two month hiatus is how powerful one drink feels when you make the comeback. So you’ve got that to look forward to.
Posted on 14-Aug-08 at 10:24 pm | Permalink
dave wrote:
Oh yeah: “Come on, if I can light a Strike Anywhere match, you can turn Billy Zane into an A-list actor.”
Posted on 14-Aug-08 at 10:28 pm | Permalink
charley wrote:
Dave: I totally thought of you when I wrote those “come on” things.
Cran and club, huh? Sweet jesus.
Posted on 14-Aug-08 at 11:00 pm | Permalink
Isabelle wrote:
Give me the unicorn. I won’t let Charley touch it.
Posted on 15-Aug-08 at 7:12 am | Permalink
Charley wrote:
Wow, Isabelle, when did you start blogging in French?
Posted on 15-Aug-08 at 8:33 am | Permalink
Robert wrote:
You should be doing this “not drinking” thing in winter or something, not summer when it is the ABSOLUTE BEST to relax with a cold drink in the warm summer evenings.
Posted on 15-Aug-08 at 10:55 am | Permalink
Charley wrote:
That’s a good point. (I knew you would help.)
Posted on 15-Aug-08 at 11:31 am | Permalink
Mike wrote:
Yes, Robert is right. It would be best to do this during the holidays. You’ll get along better with your family if you’re sober.
Posted on 17-Aug-08 at 12:29 pm | Permalink
Charley Daniels wrote:
During the holidays? Sweet Jesus.
February. Maybe I’ll pretend to try this again in February.
Posted on 17-Aug-08 at 9:56 pm | Permalink