things i’m going to swear i didn’t do while isabelle was out of town
Isabelle took off for her 10-year reunion this weekend, leaving me home alone to fend for myself. Thanks a lot, Isabelle. Following is a list of things that I’m going to deny doing while she was away, because I didn’t do them, okay?
- Leave the bed unmade for four days straight
- Cook some steak in the “vegetable-only” grill pan
- Drink from the carton
- Not wash my hands
- Snack from the bag and/or box
- Peek in the neighbor’s windows in the middle of the night
- Whiz all over the toilet bowl, exclaiming “Wooooo!” as I do so
- Cuss randomly, out loud and for no reason
- Leave an empty toilet paper tube on the holder in both bathrooms
- Eat in bed for most meals
- Use bathroom hand towels to clean whizzed-on toilet bowls
- Watch Jon and Kate Plus 8, make hilarious sarcastic remarks
- Watch Little People, Big World, no sarcastic remarks necessary
- Attract cockroaches from the alley, treat them like pets and encourage them to hang out
- Put a sign on our front door that says “Charley’s House of Pain”
- Have friends over, let them go through Isabelle’s stuff
- Time how long it takes to wiggle on my back across the whole apartment
Isabelle wrote:
Wait for me to peak in neighbors’ windows.
I will do a Homer double bird-flip as you cuss.
I bet I can wiggle faster.
Everything else is bad.
Posted on 22-Aug-08 at 3:51 pm | Permalink
Charley wrote:
Yeah, it’s bad, which is why you can’t prove I did it. Because I didn’t.
Posted on 22-Aug-08 at 4:47 pm | Permalink
JT wrote:
jon & kate & 8 & little people crack me up. somehow, they’re both exactly like my family.
Posted on 24-Aug-08 at 5:05 pm | Permalink
Charley wrote:
I’ve always been suspicious that they use the same casts for both of those “reality” series.
Posted on 24-Aug-08 at 5:06 pm | Permalink