Weblog Sin Pies

By Charley Daniels

So, the panel. It was just sort of okay. Not great, not horrible. Once again, mediocrity rules my existence. I feel like if more awesome or terrible things would happen to me, I could use that material to come up with something really interesting. But no.

The panel was put on by Ed2010, which seems to be a pretty cool national organization for aspiring writer-editor types. Apparently it’s been around a while? Here’s what the website has to say about the panel I was part of:

Summer is still sizzling, so catch a break with your local Edsters! In L.A., Ed is hosting a panel called “How to get a job in New Media.” Join ‘em on August 26 for an informative talk with some top-ranking online editors to find out how to make the transition from print to Web and what skills you need on your resume to get it.

Enticing, right? You would go, wouldn’t you?

The first thing we did was introduce ourselves and tell the assembled crowd where we work and what we do. The person just before me works for NPR now, but she used to work for Variety, she told the crowd. So then it was my turn and I said, “I’m Charley Daniels and I’m a news editor for The Hollywood Reporter dot com,” and then I shot her my best jokey “we’re rivals, right?” glance, which of course no one got, because who is going to make that connection ever, let alone on the paper-thin grounds our information foundation is resting on? A half-second before it happened I realized it was stupid, but my brain was working faster than my neck and face muscles. It was also dim and the overall vibe was loud and distracting, and in that environment it probably didn’t look like the calculated, subtle maneuver that it was — it likely just looked like some sort of mild seizure, or maybe even a flirty move, like, “That’s right, baby, THR.com.” What an asshole.

That was as foolish as I got, I’m glad to say. The rest went by blessedly quick. All of my prepared jokes were left undelivered, as I’d mistakenly come up with them using a list of questions that I made up in my head. Oops. Guess I should have studied the real questions a bit more before I concocted hilarious answers. I had a real show-stopper of a bit about being offered the job of night news editor, a joke where the homophones “night” and “knight” factored heavily. Unfortunately, I apparently imagined the question that was to prompt that joke, so it was not be.

The venerable Sarah Kuhn, she of Great Hera! and Alert Nerd fame, live Twittered the occasion. Some choice tweets from her:

Charley sat in the back…wuss!!!

That’s true. The setup was this: four bar stools, two La-Z-Boys, and a standard chair. The bar stools were in the back, true, but they were also right by the bar. That’s a pretty easy decision.

This panel is making me feel like I’ve timewarped back to 1999…hell yes where is my tech vest?

That’s as good a scene-setter as I’ve ever seen. Then the talking began:

Charley!!! Yer making teh other pabelists nod in agreement!

She’s getting used to typing on an iPhone, but I think what she’s saying here is both obvious and awesome. No idea what I said, but it must have been pretty smart if the other pabelists were nodding.

Oh gawd the is print dead question blarg

Yes, this was the part I was looking forward to least. “Is print dead? Dying? Just wounded? On life support with a greedy spouse ready to pull the plug? Does print have an estate attorney?” Mercifully, we had one of those moderators who feels like silence equals trouble, so as soon as there was a lull she was right on to the next thing. There was a lull at this point. It was also one of several moments during the discussion where it became clear that all of us read the question ahead of time and thought, “Eh, one of the other panelists will have something to say about that.” You know that old saying about not enough cooks in the kitchen…

Want more charley talk…charleeeeeeeeeey!!

So I wasn’t saying much during the second half of the panel, because discussion turned to the topic that was obviously of most import to the attendeees: “How can we make some money?” Freelance jobs and how to submit to new-media companies and resumes and stuff like that. That’s not really what I do. I edit stories and write headlines and choose photos and lay out the site. It turns out I’m not much of a panelist in this situation. I had some great jokes ready in case one of my imagined questions somehow made it into the program, but that’s like saying, “I would have been a world-class baseball player if only I brought my baseball glove.”

I think this panel is giving me a tipsy existential crisis

That right there is probably the most it did for anyone, ever.

Charley: where are my fucking groupies?!

Once I was no longer a panelist, it was time for me to ask the questions.

So that was that. I’m not sure I’ve painted a complete picture, but you get the gist. Would I do it again? Absolutely. Would they want me to do it again? Now there’s a question.