Weblog Sin Pies

By Mike Bijon

There aren’t many things that will get Americans upset. Neither crime waves nor bad driving are a big deal unless they think someone is going to carry off their 90-inch screen or dent their shiny, leased wondercar. Whatever the reasons, many of us are content putting our feet up and watching TV, chatting on the phone, or doing both while surfing the internet … meanwhile our way of life is under attack.

Thieves and armed criminals are shutting down digital TV signals, wireless phone systems, and the internet*. It’s even more personal for us, two of Sin Pies’ seven daily visitors haven’t seen the site since the middle of last week. The story of this internet outage is pretty ridiculous: Some thieves cut a major cable hoping it was made from copper that they could cart off and sell. Oops, the cable was a big fiber optic line and worthless to them, but very important to digital TV, phone, and internet signals. The phone or cable worker-people, who aren’t known for working fast at any time, showed up to fix the line and found out that the spare cable had been shot full of holes.

That’s right. American thieves and people shooting guns off in urban areas are slowing down the internet and making it hard to call Mom and watch endless baseball this weekend. This is an outrage! Call out the Department of Homeland Security and look into this. What kind of world is it when I have to leave the house to find something to do?