Weblog Sin Pies

By Charley Daniels

When I think about having to clean my Ikea brand garlic press I get homicidal. If you think that’s wrong, I don’t know what to tell you except it is not wrong. You’re the one who’s wrong. Unless you meant “wrong” as in “amoral” or “unethical,” in which case you’re probably right, but who knows? Lawyers, I guess.

But the real issue here is complicated utensils. Or rather, cheap complicated utensils that SUCK! Why do we need them? Or better yet, why don’t we stick to traditional methods of preparing garlic? Or the best question of all: Since toilets are the opposite of pants, which came first? Think about that one, why don’t you. It’s a real chicken-and-egg scenario, that one is.

Whatever the answer — and we may never know — one thing is certain: In the world of Ikea brand garlic presses, pants, and toilets, holding it and keeping it clean are the ties that bind.

CNN: Would-be Bush assassin could face life

Turns out he won’t have to be tried in Texas to get a fair jury.

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Forbes: Holiday Toy Report Lists Perilous Playthings

It’s the annual list of dangerous toys, brought to you by the Public Interest Research Group, the group with the vague name that likes to ruin everyone’s fun. For some reason toys that strangle, deafen, choke and kidnap children are among the most dangerous this year.

“There are two types of toys that parents should know more about and become concerned about,” said Alison Cassady, PIRG’s research director and author of this year’s report. […] The first is the water yo-yo ball. “You can throw it around like a regular yo-yo but this just goes out about five feet and snaps back quickly. If you swing it like a lasso it wraps around your neck.”

Every time? How efficient. The other thing parents need to be concerned about is some chemical that makes kids grow a third arm, or something.

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MedPageToday: Lack of Hugs Can Change Children’s Neurobiology

Ah, a new way to plead innocent.

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Reuters: Man pees bed, learns lesson

“He was too drunk to go to the toilet,” said a police spokesman. “The next morning he put a switched-on hairdryer on the bed to dry it and left the apartment.” When the 60-year-old returned, his home and belongings were in flames.

Sounds like he was too drunk to figure out the best way to clean up after himself, too.