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I had a “holy shit” moment on my way to work this morning. It was fleeting.
NPR: The orbiter circling Mars has spotted the remains of …
Me: Holy shit!
NPR: … the Pathfinder probe that visited the planet in 1997.
Man, this is one news lede that really would have been better written in the passive voice. (The remains of the Pathfinder probe that visited Mars in 1997 were spotted …) If only to save me from jumping to conclusions.
What a busy month it’s going to be! I don’t know where I’ll find the time, frankly, what with holiday parties, deciding what the future holds (New Year’s resolution side bets, anyone?), and heading north for the winter. I’ll be in Oregon Dec. 21-26, so don’t come steal my things. Ah hell, I better just bring everything with me.
Hey, I meant to post something about this sooner, but I forgot, I think. Or maybe I just wanted to wait for the right moment. Now I can’t remember why I didn’t post, so chances are good that it’s because I forgot. What the hell am I saying? The folks who brought us Mystery Science Theater 3000 have a website where you can download hilarious audio tracks to play along with movies. It’s the same movie-mocking awesomeness (ostensibly) with a whole new library of films. Did you ever wish that MST3K could rip on newer movies? I know I did. Wish granted! Check out Rifftrax if you’re about to watch Fellowship of the Ring alone on a Friday night for the third weekend in a row. You know, change it up. Oh yeah, it’s not just bad movies that they’re mocking now. Awesome!
You know what’s not awesome? Some genius invented casino-based online poker. Huh? Head down to the casino and play online against a bunch of people sitting across the table from you. Come on! If I go to a casino for poker, I want to feel chips and cards in my hand. And how the hell am I going to tip the cocktail waitress without some chips? Transfer funds to her bank account? I don’t like it.
Returning to things that are awesome: I went and saw Pleaseeasaur again. The last was in September. Does that make me a groupie, or something?
And, to sum up, some things that are maybe awesome, maybe not. Depends. With 2006 drawing to a close, I thought it might be a good time to begin looking back at some of the random keywords that brought people to Weblog Sin Pies this year. It’s Keyword Roundup: The Year in Review, Part 1.
I think I posted this one before, but I can’t just suddenly stop appreciating it. Notice the search string — yes, that’s a minus sign at the end. Searcher wanted to exclude the term “boobs,” which makes sense since it would have cleary messed with his results.
Boy, people really are looking for very specific things on the Internet. Just for fun I put this one into Google to see if anything stood out. You know, maybe to shed some light on whatever this person was trying to find. I got nothing. It’s probably some YouTube thing, right?
No doubt someone was directed to WSP during a drunken argument over whether that over-hyped dud of a film Snakes on a Plane could have actually happened. Is it based in reality? Is it not? This is exactly what we’re here for. Maybe not this specifically, because hell if I know, but I’m sure content on this site has solved at least as many drunken arguments as it has started.
This could be the search string of a curious country western fan (who doesn’t know how Charlie Daniels spells his name), or my grandfather trying to decide whether to include me in his will.
Why search? Everyone knows the definitive source is HumansHumpingGorillas.com.
That’s all for tonight, but I promise there will be more where this came from as Weblog Sin Pies looks at its top keyword referrals for 2006!
photo: jameschipmunkBy Trevor Ryan
I’ve been thinking about getting another degree recently. Mostly, I think, this is in reaction to the low, low prices offered on Internet college degrees, but it’s also because I saw it on TV. These are my two most trusty companions for reasoning.
But let me explain. Actually, the low price thing explains itself. Who wants to pay top dollar for a degree, when he can get one for $30? I mean, that’s less than most items at the average college bookstore. Why get a sweatshirt for $40 that says “Harvard” when you can fork over $30, and get a full four years worth of education?
But besides that, I can’t help but be reminded of the Scarecrow, from “The Wizard of Oz,” who upon receiving a piece of paper suddenly had memorized the Pythagorean theorem (among, we are to assume, other fun and useful information). Based on this, it seems reasonable to me that the Internet (which is far more advanced today than it was in 1939, when “The Wizard of Oz” came out) should provide a piece of paper that is a good deal more intelligent.
Now I have to wonder how much time and money I squandered back in college. Why, I could be a veritable encyclopedia by now. The other thing I wonder about these bargain-basement priced degrees is if they contain a full four years worth of partying in them. It’s sort of like the worm in a tequila bottle, I guess, and the myth about how it contains mescaline, or a bunch of alcohol. “Dude, did you ever try smoking your degree? I heard it gets you totally wasted.” “Yeah, man, but I heard there’s some bad, like all-night study session shit going around …”
Anyway, stay in school, kids. Otherwise, you have to pay back your student loans.
Related Link: Online Degree Online Degree Programs and Online College Degrees - eLearners.com
When I think about having to clean my Ikea brand garlic press I get homicidal. If you think that’s wrong, I don’t know what to tell you except it is not wrong. You’re the one who’s wrong. Unless you meant “wrong” as in “amoral” or “unethical,” in which case you’re probably right, but who knows? Lawyers, I guess.
But the real issue here is complicated utensils. Or rather, cheap complicated utensils that SUCK! Why do we need them? Or better yet, why don’t we stick to traditional methods of preparing garlic? Or the best question of all: Since toilets are the opposite of pants, which came first? Think about that one, why don’t you. It’s a real chicken-and-egg scenario, that one is.
Whatever the answer — and we may never know — one thing is certain: In the world of Ikea brand garlic presses, pants, and toilets, holding it and keeping it clean are the ties that bind.
Seihin-World: Credit card case that beeps every twenty seconds
It’s the gadget that simultaneously gives you peace of mind and drives you fucking nuts. This personal security device beeps every 20 seconds when it’s missing its credit card. It’s like an ex-wife. We know what that’s like, right ex-husbands? Ha ha!
I’ve never even had a girlfriend.
But seriously, it does beep when missing its credit card, which could be great if it weren’t for the obvious flaw: the thing is the same size as a credit card. So what beeps when you lose your beeping credit card case? A beeping wallet stuck in a beeping pocket on beeping jeans covering a beeping ass? Where will it end? Before the beeping ass, I’m thinking.
