Weblog Sin Pies

By Charley Daniels

At the end of last year, Court TV rebranded itself in what many at the time called “a terrible, terrible decision.” That which was once Court TV, a network that covered trials, is now Tru TV, a network that misplaced a letter. Tru TV’s trademarked slogan is “Not reality. Actuality.” Yes, a TV network whose website claims that its prime-time shows are all “based on exciting, real-life stories” has a slogan that begins “Not reality.” So there’s already a bit of a conundrum there, but who gives a shit, because I didn’t watch it when it was about court, and I’m certainly not going to tune in now that its shows are based on tru stories, whatever the hell that means.

But tonight I was watching The Daily Show, and during a commercial break I was scrolling through the program grid when something caught my eye: The Smoking Gun Presents: World’s Dumbest Criminals. Hey, I thought, that might be good for a laugh (must have been the beer talking). So I clicked over to Tru TV for the first time ever, and what I found was equal parts stupid and not awesome. Here is a video show with real footage of people breaking the law, intercut with commentary from “celebrities” a la VH1’s I love the [Decade]. The celebrities make fun of the criminals, see, sort of like VH1’s talking heads make fun of Hypercolor shirts, or whatever. Well, that’s the idea, ostensibly. In practice it seems more like the celebrities give an uninspired play-by-play of the videos, sort of like this gem here:

The result is a motley assortment of random jackasses snickering as they describe a video you’ve already watched. Compelling?

And, oh yes, Tonya Harding is one of the “celebrity” commentators, which moves the star factor from D-list to “seriously?” status rather quickly, no matter who your powerhouse celeb is (in case you’re wondering, this show’s powerhouse celeb is Danny Bonaduce).

But Tonya Harding? Really? As soon as you see her, you have to wonder if what you’re watching is an elaborate ruse designed to get her on camera talking about stuff. Because there is some comedy potential there, I think. But no, this is real. Or, at any rate, it’s Tru.

By Charley Daniels

Speaking of Hancock, Will Smith was on The Colbert Report tonight, which was odd enough that when I saw the show description I thought it might be a mistake. Normally Colbert doesn’t have mega stars on his show. In fact, most of his guests are obscure scientists or authors you never would have heard of if it wasn’t for the show.

But he was there, The Fresh Prince himself, super cool, etc. Now, I’m very positive on Will Smith; I think he’s generally really good in his films and always really likable and funny in interviews. Unfortunately, he broke the number one rule for facing Stephen Colbert:

1) Just because he’s a comedian, it doesn’t mean you’ve become one. Even when you think you might try to be funny, please, let the impulse fade. You’ll be glad you did, because the overwhelming chance is that he is thinking of something funnier.

Not every attempt at humor was a miss, but enough were to make me cringe a little.

By Charley Daniels

It’s a busy time at work, what with the Cannes Film Festival and broadcast upfronts, together at last.

The upfronts are the week when the five broadcast networks announce their fall schedules and show off their new series to advertisers in the hope that wheelbarrows of money will soon follow.

Speaking of, remember the ’90s? A time when neon was hot and there was plenty of Crystal Pepsi to go around? And the sighing, sideburned teens of Beverly Hills High entertained us on our bulky tube TVs? Nostalgia is like being drunk on memories, you know? So it’s just awesome that The CW has created a Beverly Hills, 90210 spinoff series that will include some of the original cast, most notably Jennie Garth. There’s also a rumor that Tori Spelling will be dropping in, and at the CW upfront yesterday it was reported that “the plan is for original 90210 characters to be popping in for a visit on the spinoff.”

Because the ’90s were awesome, you know? Especially the early ’90s.

In other news, sometime in the last few months or so Weblog Sin Pies passed another milestone, which I failed to note here because I don’t really note much here. We have received more than 100,000 spam comments. (Because I’m late getting to this, it’s actually more like 125,000.) Hooray for me! If nothing else I know that spambots are avid readers, so thanks to them.

By Charley Daniels

By Mike Bijon

There aren’t many things that will get Americans upset. Neither crime waves nor bad driving are a big deal unless they think someone is going to carry off their 90-inch screen or dent their shiny, leased wondercar. Whatever the reasons, many of us are content putting our feet up and watching TV, chatting on the phone, or doing both while surfing the internet … meanwhile our way of life is under attack.

Thieves and armed criminals are shutting down digital TV signals, wireless phone systems, and the internet*. It’s even more personal for us, two of Sin Pies’ seven daily visitors haven’t seen the site since the middle of last week. The story of this internet outage is pretty ridiculous: Some thieves cut a major cable hoping it was made from copper that they could cart off and sell. Oops, the cable was a big fiber optic line and worthless to them, but very important to digital TV, phone, and internet signals. The phone or cable worker-people, who aren’t known for working fast at any time, showed up to fix the line and found out that the spare cable had been shot full of holes.

That’s right. American thieves and people shooting guns off in urban areas are slowing down the internet and making it hard to call Mom and watch endless baseball this weekend. This is an outrage! Call out the Department of Homeland Security and look into this. What kind of world is it when I have to leave the house to find something to do?