|
I had a “holy shit” moment on my way to work this morning. It was fleeting.
NPR: The orbiter circling Mars has spotted the remains of …
Me: Holy shit!
NPR: … the Pathfinder probe that visited the planet in 1997.
Man, this is one news lede that really would have been better written in the passive voice. (The remains of the Pathfinder probe that visited Mars in 1997 were spotted …) If only to save me from jumping to conclusions.
What a busy month it’s going to be! I don’t know where I’ll find the time, frankly, what with holiday parties, deciding what the future holds (New Year’s resolution side bets, anyone?), and heading north for the winter. I’ll be in Oregon Dec. 21-26, so don’t come steal my things. Ah hell, I better just bring everything with me.
Hey, I meant to post something about this sooner, but I forgot, I think. Or maybe I just wanted to wait for the right moment. Now I can’t remember why I didn’t post, so chances are good that it’s because I forgot. What the hell am I saying? The folks who brought us Mystery Science Theater 3000 have a website where you can download hilarious audio tracks to play along with movies. It’s the same movie-mocking awesomeness (ostensibly) with a whole new library of films. Did you ever wish that MST3K could rip on newer movies? I know I did. Wish granted! Check out Rifftrax if you’re about to watch Fellowship of the Ring alone on a Friday night for the third weekend in a row. You know, change it up. Oh yeah, it’s not just bad movies that they’re mocking now. Awesome!
You know what’s not awesome? Some genius invented casino-based online poker. Huh? Head down to the casino and play online against a bunch of people sitting across the table from you. Come on! If I go to a casino for poker, I want to feel chips and cards in my hand. And how the hell am I going to tip the cocktail waitress without some chips? Transfer funds to her bank account? I don’t like it.
Returning to things that are awesome: I went and saw Pleaseeasaur again. The last was in September. Does that make me a groupie, or something?
And, to sum up, some things that are maybe awesome, maybe not. Depends. With 2006 drawing to a close, I thought it might be a good time to begin looking back at some of the random keywords that brought people to Weblog Sin Pies this year. It’s Keyword Roundup: The Year in Review, Part 1.
I think I posted this one before, but I can’t just suddenly stop appreciating it. Notice the search string — yes, that’s a minus sign at the end. Searcher wanted to exclude the term “boobs,” which makes sense since it would have cleary messed with his results.
Boy, people really are looking for very specific things on the Internet. Just for fun I put this one into Google to see if anything stood out. You know, maybe to shed some light on whatever this person was trying to find. I got nothing. It’s probably some YouTube thing, right?
No doubt someone was directed to WSP during a drunken argument over whether that over-hyped dud of a film Snakes on a Plane could have actually happened. Is it based in reality? Is it not? This is exactly what we’re here for. Maybe not this specifically, because hell if I know, but I’m sure content on this site has solved at least as many drunken arguments as it has started.
This could be the search string of a curious country western fan (who doesn’t know how Charlie Daniels spells his name), or my grandfather trying to decide whether to include me in his will.
Why search? Everyone knows the definitive source is HumansHumpingGorillas.com.
That’s all for tonight, but I promise there will be more where this came from as Weblog Sin Pies looks at its top keyword referrals for 2006!
photo: jameschipmunk
We don’t usually talk much about what goes on in our day-to-day lives because we’re afraid no one cares. Maybe that’s a mistake. Things are going to be different around this place. Maybe. Here’s a start, anyway: Some of the Weblog Sin Pies team and all but our most loyal readers went camping this weekend. It was totally kick ass! My only regret is that we couldn’t stay longer. GODDAMNED REGULAR-LENGTH WEEKENDS. At least we have photos to remember the good times. For example, the one in this post of Alex, opening some beans like a real mountain man. Well, almost.
Speaking of good times, let’s get on with the madness:
Religion: Infallible my ass. Apparently, the Pope’s aides are too afraid to tell him when he messes up.
Good reading: Don’t you love when people have to admit they screwed up? What about when newspapers have to cop to it?
WWW: I guess Craigslist works. Okay, maybe I’ll give it a try.
Celeb: That bastion of relevant journalism In Touch Weekly paid Getty Images well over $300,000 for photos of Anna Nicole Smith and her recently deceased son that were taken the day before his untimely demise, according to Defamer. How much could I get for my camp photos?
There’s probably a bunch more going on out there, but there’s no time … Wait, yes there is because this is News and Aaahs for September 18!
———————————————————-
Finally, a government agency that’s interested in the separation of church and state. And you thought the IRS was just a bunch of money-grubbing yes-men who couldn’t spot corruption if it was whizzing all over them.
The IRS is investigating whether All Saints Episcopal Church violated the federal tax code when its former rector, Rev. George F. Regas, delivered an anti-war sermon on the eve of the last presidential election.
That religious leader is anti-war? RED FLAG. Go get ‘em IRS, and tell them Uncle Sam said, “Pay up you God-fearing liberal hippy scum!”
———————————————————-
Though it sounds suspicious that our military leaders want to test their arsenal on U.S. citizens before using the weapons in places far and wide, I personally approve of the idea — even as a citizen who is never more than one bad vehicular encounter away from being on the business end of a hostage negotiation.
By “business end” I mean I’m the guy getting hit in the face with rubber bullets. In case that wasn’t clear.
‘If we’re not willing to use it here against our fellow citizens, then we should not be willing to use it in a wartime situation,’ said [Airforce Secretary Michael] Wynne. ‘(Because) if I hit somebody with a nonlethal weapon and they claim that it injured them in a way that was not intended, I think that I would be vilified in the world press.’
Wait a minute. I take it back. This is an awful idea and an even worse potential trend. Next it could be, “What will other countries say if I set their orphanages on fire and can’t tell them I’d do the same to orphanages in my own country? What a PR nightmare!”
It sounded so good until they started talking.
———————————————————-
I know In Touch Weekly doesn’t claim to be a relevant voice in journalism. Or wait … does it?
———————————————————-
Some rich lady is the first female space tourist. How exciting! Especially when things go wrong:
The world’s first female tourist to the international space station, accompanied by a Russian cosmonaut and American astronaut, headed Monday for the orbiting lab, where a malfunction in an oxygen generator prompted the crew to don protective gear.
I’ll lay even money that they were just messing with her.
By Mike Bijon
Cambodian Prime Minister (and former Khmer Rouge soldier) Hun Sen has banned 3G mobile phones from Cambodia for 10 years. The ban comes after his wife and her friends complained to him about receiving pornography on their new 3G phones … and the imminently quotable Prime Minister says, “We can wait 10 more years until we have managed to improve morality in society.”
As prevelant and hard to stop as porn is, it sounds like Hun Sen might need to wake up those old Khmer Rouge enforcement methods to put a halt to the destruction of the upstanding society the Khmer Rouge built by paving farmers’ fields with skulls.
Then again, all of the Prime Ministers’ friends/political rivals probably have stacks of 3G phones on the shelf, even as they trod on the impoverished masses and with the Cambodian economy awfully close to the bottom of the barrel. It’s probably hard to keep them all underfoot without the ability to control who they talk to or control what they read. It would be a real dasappointment if Hun Sen can’t get his “fair” cut of all the “unsanctioned” and “illegal” human trafficking in Cambodia.
Photo: Gaetan Lee
By Trevor Ryan
I can’t wait for space tourism, and if you don’t like it, then I may no longer like you. That’s the long version of this title. There are many people out there who will whine and complain over what is arguably the next step toward the inevitable — getting the heck out of this place. I know, I know. We should save the planet for as long as we can, but after a certain point, let’s face it. The sun will blow up. Like an abusive stepdad who came home drunk, the sun will unleash its unyielding fury of whiskey-tainted punishment, and beat our tender hides back into the vapor state (worse state to be in than PA). so this is why we have to start building spaceships to take rides on. Keep the sun thinking we’re still not moving out. “No, no, The Sun,” we’ll coo, “we’re not going anywhere. We just want a better view of our dumb old house, the Earth.” Then, when the sun least expects it, we’ll blast off into the future, where we’ll meet lots of available space women.
But for real, people. Join the space race, cause it’s more like a space jog-a-thon at this point. Even old people like John Glenn are going to space in this day and age. If John — actually, let’s call him “old man Glenn” to make it more homey and familiar — if old man Glenn’s going, shouldn’t you be able to get off your couch and go as well? Or are you less space-worthy than an old man?
The good people at Space Adventures are working it up for as early as 2008. Maybe you should get in line now. Call and ask! Just dial 1-888-85-SPACE! I’m actually not kidding. Call ’em! In fact, when you do, say you were referred by me. I don’t know if they have a punch card thing where you can save up points for a free space flight, but if they do, maybe I can get one. So don’t forget.
In the meantime, while you’re waiting in line, please help the cause by launching your crap into space, like your fingernails, or friend’s ashes or something. Better yet, make it something that underprivileged alien children can play with. Oh, wait, that was covered with fingernails, which contain your DNA. They’ll think of something good to do with that!
